I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize