im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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