So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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