Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
