We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
