I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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