your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
