There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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