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His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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