I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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