is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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