her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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