She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
