census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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