In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
