it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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