it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
