Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
