Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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