I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
