Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
