Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i drank out of a bidet.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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