so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
