I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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