You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
