my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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