Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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