Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I still have a little drunk in my system
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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