You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
