**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
