Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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