I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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