I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
