Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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