I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
