C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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