she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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