can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
