I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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