he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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