He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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