He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
soo... how was my night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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