I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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