There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's great music for shaving your balls
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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