I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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