I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
