I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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