I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am available for nakedness
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
