I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
jump out the window naked night went bad
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