My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
