Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
